Hiatus

Ok....so...it has been a while since I have posted, practically a month. It has been a doozy of a month, but  things are looking up again. I tend to be a really open person, and sometimes when life is particularly challenging, it isn't the right thing to post it all out there, especially when I am not the only one affected. If I was, it would be right here. My view is if my experiences can help another in anyway, then all the better. However since the struggles aren't just mine, I don't have the ability to post. Needless to say, I have been on a roller coaster ride that has been more intense than can be engineered physically. I don't know if the ride is over, but at least the extreme declines seem to be not so constant.
There has been much good intermixed with the extreme challenges:
Kayden and Kaitlyn are so wonderful. They aren't just little kids anymore. We have their moments where I can't take the whining and arguing anymore, but those times are getting fewer and farther away.
Kayden is doing pretty well on his school. It is still a struggle sometimes, but he is really trying, and he is developing interests in so many things. He seriously is doing so well in math. He picks it up so quickly that the lesson actually is confusing sometimes because it is too detailed in explaining processes.
Kaitlyn is my wild child. She is so vibrant and full of determination and life. That is my blessing and my struggle...how to help her best. She came to me a few days ago and told me she doesn't like princesses anymore. She told me she doesn't want to wait for a prince to save her. She wants to do the saving. I reminded her that Rapunzel (in Tangled) saved the 'prince,' and that  was okay. She is so...herself. Now the challenge is to get her set in the right direction. One thing that is very positive, is that what she wants to be when she grows up are occupations that help people. First it was an ER doc, currently it is a policeman. She has such a desire to do good.
Me...well I am finding that homeschooling is like a sponge. It soaks up what time is available. I love being there to do schoolwork and encourage my kids. I just have to remember and make time for other things...including laundry and cleaning the house, not to mention other things! I have been working towards running my first half marathon. I am set to do that tomorrow. I am trying to take a math class, but it is hard when I have a few minutes here and there to do it in. However, I am learning and getting so I am understanding it.
So here I am again. I think I am at a point where I can blog again! It has been said so many times that time is a great healer. I didn't realize how true that is until this last several months. It doesn't make things go away, but life can go on, and it is good. It allows perspective to come into focus and make for even greater growth and healing.

It's all about what you call it!!!

A while ago, I tried to introduce fresh ground whole wheat pancakes to my kids. They were not impressed. I tried again the other day, but this time I had an idea. When they think pancakes, they think of pancakes made with krusteaz pancake mix. So this time I called them flapjacks, and told them the pioneers ate them (or something like them). We have had them for breakfast every morning this week because they love them...
 Ingredients:
1 c whole wheat pastry flour (ground white wheat)
1 t baking powder (aluminum free)
1/2 t salt
1/2 t cinnamon
1 T sugar
1 1/4 c milk (give or take depending upon how thick
you like your pancake batter.
Mix and cook on a hot griddle. Makes about 9 medium pancakes.
Top with applesauce and cinnamon sugar or jam.

Kayden this last month or so...

So this last month when I have been so overwhelmed, we have done lots of things, and here is some of what Kayden has been up to:
Kayden has really enjoyed his compound bow. He and his Grandpa made a target to practice on. The hardest thing is finding a time when no other kids are around so he can practice...

Kaydens Hawaii cousins came to visit for about a week and a half. He had a taste of what it's like to be a big brother to more than one kid...he liked it...some of the time! =)

My friend gave us tickets to UVU's Owls baseball game. Kayden had fun harrassing the players and running up and down the hill we were sitting on. However when the game started and he had to be still, the fun was over for him! He gets bored really fast!

Kayden did most of the lawn mowing this summer. Maybe next summer he will be ready to take on a few lawns! He has done a great job. I love to send him out to play, and hear the lawn mower start up. It makes me one proud Mama!!

One fun thing about being homeschooled are the things we randomly do. A couple weeks ago I heard about this science demonstration at the University of Utah. It sounded amazing so we just picked up and went. Kayden loved it, he learned a bit about astronomy and physics!

Ramblings

It has to be a law of nature that if something is seriously wrong in your personal universe, that opens you up to be magnetized towards other disasters. That seems what is going on here. There is a massive struggle going on right now. The main struggle is not mine, but my struggle is holding everything together during the crisis. Common decency would dictate that when a person is down it doesn't seem like that is a good time to kick him in the most vulnerable spot there is, especially if you are close enough to do serious harm. That is exactly what happened today. What progress has happened with the original problem has been erased and magnified by something almost worse! I am trying to be Christlike and I am trying to come up with the right thing to do/react! And all I want to do is call someone up and let them know exactly what they have done...which I can't do because it would only make the whole situation worse! Honestly I have no words that describe the miriad of thoughts and feelings that have been running through my head, they run the spectrum. I am livid that someone I love who would never purposely hurt another person got so hurt. I feel betrayed that everything we have done for that person means nothing. I feel sorry for the smallness of character of that one person. I don't want to stoop to the same level. I am worried sick about the person who is already barely making it in more that one way. I want to avoid a certain group of people and totally withdraw from a certain area of my current life...which isn't even an option. That is just the surface of what I feel and think right now. I am holding onto my Faith with every ounce of strength I have left. It is what will and is getting me through. I wish I could help my hurt loved one hold on too!

School update for me:

So I have heard that I may not need to take college algebra. Wouldn't that be nice! My enrollment counsellor is worthless...I heard this from my sister, and he has nothing to say except that my transcripts probably will not be evaluated until next month. My sister took the same statistics class I did, and no college algebra. Hmmm...
So I have been dreaming, exploring, and planning. The path I think I am going for is to continue with my masters, then get my FNP. With my FNP I can take any direction I want to, rather than be stuck in one area. Now whether I need to get a doctorate, I don't know...The school community is up in the air and in flux regarding the need for NPs vs DNPs. There is a push to outlaw NPs, and it should go in place by 2015. So, we will see if it is a post masters certificate or a doctorate I need later...I can get no straight answers! That's okay, I have time. This is so exciting to have this dream actually feel attainable! I can visualize it happening! It is going to be a lot of work, but I can do it! Having this dream is getting me through a rough time.

Homeschool...no, Prep School!

So my homeschool is constantly evolving and developing. It has a new focus that is helping me AND Kayden so much! A better term for our home school is Prep School. This homeschool experience is to help prepare him for college. He and I discussed this in great detail, and he is really excited! It has given him a total paradygm shift. Instead of giving him assignments just so I can torture him, I am actually giving him projects to prepare him for college! Nothing really has changed, but with a goal in mind, he has changed. He is doing much better work, and is more willing to do his best. I figure there are really 4 important subjects here...the ability to write well, being able to efficiently pull important information out of reading, math, and computer literacy. That is school down to bare basics. Studying science, history, literature, etc. are all included in this. I am psyched! I feel like it is a continuation of the school that was developed by my parents. The end goal I have in mind is for Kayden to have his bachelors degree by the time he is ready to go on his mission! What a gift to be able to give him!!!

Project TV addiction...a success!!

So a few weeks ago, I wrote about cutting back on tv and wii because
Kayden was seriously addicted. It has been amazing. I allow him a certain amount sometimes, I am able to reward (or entertain--babysit) as needed with it, but the NEED to always be doing it is gone. He has learned to entertain himself and to do other things on his own!!! I forgot that we had the problem until I was just scanning through my previous posts and saw this one! I love realizing that I do have little successes here and there...